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darren's blog

It's technically Friday!!

Posted by darren

And now fer somethin' completely different.

Or a tarp.

I'm famous!... in Arlington, VA....

Posted by darren

It's not everyday I cameo in... well, anythin'. That all changes today, and a bottle of rum! I got th' opportunity t' pig out on fried chow, ride all th' scary rides, an' generally cause mischief at th' Arlington County Fair -- while on camera. Think o' it as Diners, Drive-ins & Dives minus th' nationwide coverage.

 

The Drink List (and Pictures of Stuff)

Posted by darren

Mmmm, they all look good.When it comes t' menus, I like th' pictures. Everythin' is better with pictures. I started thinkin' about this after a friendly visit t' th' neighborhood Applebee's an' checked out their fancy drink menu.

Every other day I get Chinese menu brochures hangin' on me door, ye scurvey dog. I’ve realized I only order from th' ones with pictures on them. So many choices. I just want t' consult with me stomach on what looks good, but me stomach only speaks in grunts -- it’s tougher t' understan' than ye would think.

I hate buyin' somethin' without seein' what I’m gettin' then realizin' afterward that I don’t want it. My matey got what I wanted, an' I can’t stan' it. Then I’m thinkin' th' whole time they’re eatin' an' tellin' about how good that is, an' how awful what I am eatin' is, but I can’t look like I made th' wrong decision so I embellish how great this turd is.

“Oh aye, I bet ye wish ye got what I’m havin', it’s soooooo good!” I hope he chokes on that General Tso’s chicken.

I think everythin' would be better with pictures. What if ye could pick yer own body organs? I could just see meself lookin' through a catalog o' livers. “Do ye got anythin' not as pink? Oh an' it’s got t' be at least twice that size. I want t' be able t' shotgun a keg when this operation is o'er.”

And that’s not an exaggeration, by Davy Jones' locker. I completely expect t' shotgun a keg after a liver operation. In fact, I’m shotgunnin' one right now.

The Hotel Sheets

Posted by darren

So I bought new sheets fer me bed th' other day. Aye, excitin' stuff.

Anyway, I got these new high-class “hotel” sheets, Ya horn swogglin' scurvy cur! And swab the deck! Real nice, by Blackbeard's sword. I get them home, put them on me bed, an' they be th' worst thin' I’ve e'er purchased. Then I started thinkin' t' meself, “When have I e'er slept well at a hotel?”

What would even motivate me t' purchase “hotel” sheets? With those o'er-fluffy pillows, crick-in-yer-back mattresses, an' those crappy sheets that ye just know th' hotel has t' burn after every use.

I think I were bein' intoxicated by thread counts. Thread counts! I’m 29 years auld an' debatin' sheets because they’re under 300....

I should be comfortable sleepin' on Doritos an' pocket lint, Get out of me rum! That’s how I made it through undergrad. Oh futons, how I dern't miss thee.

The USB Guitar

Posted by darren

I bought a new guitar that plugs into USB ports, I'll warrant ye. Apparently, me laptop will do th' playin' fer me. Shiver me timbers! I can just sit back while it rocks out t' Freebird, by Blackbeard's sword. I will eventually destroy it, though, because th' laptop just doesn’t understan' me or th' direction o' our ban'.

RAMEN! Day 2

Posted by darren

Welcome to the RAMEN. THE SAGA. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read about my first adventure in Ramenland here.

I've been sick for the past couple of days so many of my chores have been piling up, including cleaning the dishes. Lucky for me, included in my huge box of Ramen are a couple choices in their own paper cups.

My last entry was actually some pretty good, spicy ramen. But with highs must come lows, which means I immediately went for the cup I was most unsure: Paldo's Chlorella Cup noodle Soup.