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RAMEN! Day 3

Posted by darren

Jjajan Men Chajang NoodleA while ago I decided to purchase a huge box of various ramen packages, then report back to you how good, bad, or deadly they were. I felt bad for how long it's been since my last update, so I decided to take a break from my full-time marketing habit and bring to you needy individuals round three of this exciting saga!

On today's menu: Jjajang Men Chajang Noodles.

After looking at the package, which looked to be a medley of various vegetables and spices, I thought maybe this would be a flavorful delight, full of pixie dust and bat guano (which has mystical powers in some cultures).

Once finally cooked, I was not prepared to rule out the bat guano.

Say Cheese!

This is what I imagine my intestines will look like about the time I can draw social security. Ha! I made a joke! We're totally going to have social security in 30 years. Anyway....

Sake 4 MeI wasn't sure if I should go it alone, so I decided to start this journey with some of the cheapest "finest" sake I had -- which was actually the only sake I had -- but I wanted to sound like I have this huge stockpile of sake sitting around my apartment. Waiting to be sake bombed.

The first bite tasted to what I can best compare a bag of old, leftover mushrooms that a restaurant was about to throw away. I didn't taste any artificial shrimp or seaweed, which I've grown accustomed to after eating too much ramen from packages that I couldn't actually read the descriptions for.

It's kind of like stomach virus roulette.

This ramen reminded me of prison gruel's long lost cousin from the other side of the tracks. And he brought his buddy indigestion with him.

To make matters worse, this blend of dead vegetables and now-ruined noodles provided no heat to cover up its own awfulness. After a couple bites, I decided something must be done about it.

Srirachi to the rescue!

After several generous squirts of Srirachi chili sauce, the bowl now tasted like a hearty portion of spicy ketchup, which I guess is a big improvement over rotten mushrooms... but not by much....

Maybe Jjajong Men just isn't FOR me. Maybe it's FOR common criminals who are currently doing 9-5 in the county lockup. In Gwangju.

It's a Korean city, I looked it up.

My biggest disappointment was that this ramen didn't look like the gelatinous delight that was on the package. I could forgive the awful taste if the final product at least looked presentable.

Pictures vs. Reality

I guess I should know better than to trust ramen packaging, but I want to believe!

At least next time I have a bowel movement, I won't spend 20 minutes wondering what I ate. It was definitely the ramen.


Rating: 0.5 out of 5

Heat index: 0 out of 5 (+1 after adding Srirachi)

Packages I could consume before I died: 0.25


Lives saved by the review of this crappy ramen: 1,329,812 and counting....